abandoning my tumblr deux
“bigger and better things”
And we will brave worlds uncharted
[posted late, written around the end of March]
Because today has been a day full of tears
and laughter
and last-minute jitters
and realizations.
——
We’re the kids people can’t understand.
We dig deep, seek unconventionality, and become our very own. We dream endlessly, make magic seamlessly, and try to be who they want us to be when in fact we fail every single time—-
—because we’re like that. We’re not who who they want us to be. We’re not normal. We’re not them.
We’re us.
We’re a special brand of believers.
A special brand of people who have a world of our own, especially tailored for the weirdness that is us and our occasional nerd jokes.
And I do love us. I love you. All of you. So much that sometimes you’re the only reason I wake up in the morning. So much that no matter how much I hate the constraints put upon me by the four walls of this school and the pressure I receive from various people I hesitate to leave because you’re holding me back.
So thank you for being different. Thank you for being too freaking indie (as no other term seems to be fit) for them to understand and thank you for being the loving, supportive class that I have first expected to be throat-cutting and competitive. Thank you for proving me wrong about this “experiment,” and I’m really sorry that I haven’t had the time to form deep friendships with all of you. (Despite that though, I know I can be my most comfortable around you guys.)
I have so much more to say than that, really, but I’ll leave it at this:
Accepting that we won’t be classmates anymore next year is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
If not the hardest.
————
in a span of a few minutes—-
It’s just. You know. People change.
Sometimes it’s nice; sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it’s a greeting of a rainy morning and sometimes it’s just a pain in the freaking a**.
Point is, though, regardless of what you say,
or what you think,
or what you feel—
they change.
Always.
And worse is they might not know it. They might even try denying it to you or, perhaps, to themselves—because the thought of it scares them, maybe.
But despite whatever reason for keeping this truth buried down under, they always leave (literally or figuratively). And they will never stop leaving you. And you have to let them. You have to let them change, and leave, for them, because maybe it’s for the best after all. Who knows?
It’s just. Well.
You seriously have to stop clinging onto whatever small piece of the past (you think) there is.
because-i’ve-destroyed-my-blog post #2
—at least i think it’s post #2. whatevs.
i dont give a —- for correct grammar and capitalization anymore, ‘cause that just stresses out my fingers (i still have to reach for the shift button, what the hell).
point of the matter is it’s funny how you still choose to lie about things just so my feelings won’t get hurt.
it’s funny how i’m pissed that you haven’t learned a freaking thing yet, and i’m pissed how it’s as if we never went through this.
it’s funny how i don’t even give a damn anymore—because anyway i’d be gone in a few months. why would i still waste my energy on this?
it’s funny how i sort of know that if i’d let you be, things will just disappear—and we’d just suddenly wake up to the realization that we’re not in each other’s lives anymore, which is ironic ‘cause we’ve been trying so hard to not let that happen.
and i don’t even have the will to stop you.
so maybe i don’t care anymore; maybe not even a little bit.
and maybe i’m just sugar-coating things and lying to you too, because we both know we’re good at that anyway, and because i have no energy to explain things anymore.
you destroyed the last chance you had, and i’m not going to even call you on it. not this time.
i’m happy where i am.
even without you in the picture.
so here’s a toast to the death of us, and to wherever this may lead us.
(Source: thisisntryonrass)
(Source: theprettythingsblog)
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls…
